I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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