please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
