so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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