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When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
