Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize