I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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