how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
