The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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