He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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