very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
