Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
