I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
