dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My bed smells like the plague
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