Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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