If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
