After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
