once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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