so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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