Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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