he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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