Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
