I saw his package. It spoke to me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
