dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
