All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize