After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
