so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
