if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
