U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
