oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
