Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
