she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
