We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
