I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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