You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
