You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
