It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
