Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
