tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize