My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
