So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
