Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
