roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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