It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
