I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
