Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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