Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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