3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
