my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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