I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
