I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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