Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
