Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
