Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
