We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
