I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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