Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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