Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
