cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
