and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
only you would photoshop your dick
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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