I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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