so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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