I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
