Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
