omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
