I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
