The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
