So drunk its hurt
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
