im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dick very happy bro
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize