She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
