someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
