I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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