You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
