he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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