Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize