dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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