don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
