apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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