I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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