Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
