FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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