We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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