imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
