Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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