sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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