Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she smelled like a LAN party
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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