i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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