there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
