He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
