if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
