I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
