you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
