I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
